As The Sky Steward, I’ve determined that where someone is seated on the plane does not necessarily predetermine their level of Jetiquette. In fact, some of the most horrendously offensive civility deficits have been identified in the priciest onboard accommodations and they are sadly being committed by even some of the most visually pleasing individuals. So all that glitters…!

Elbow Room Faux Pas

Here are some of the faux pas that have ruffled my feathers the most:

Inflight Noise Polluting

From ripping pages out of magazines to snorting and snoring, these ear-popping travelers necessitate the donning of noise cancellation apparatuses as soon as electronic devices are permitted to be used.

Seat Slobbery

You’ve seen these treasures for sure! They routinely stuff the seat-back pockets with their refuse such as empty McDonald’s bags with a smudge of ketchup and the unmistakable fragrance of  ‘eau de fries.’ Let’s not forget their gum wrapper and crushed Starbucks cup neatly tucked into cracks and crevices easily missed by cleaning crews but often discovered by unsuspecting passengers who unfortunately select the seat on a flight downline.

Row Rousing

Whether in first class, business or coach, turbulence over the high value of elbow real estate is sadly present at all altitudes. From friction over rubbing elbows to downright aggressive airborne annexation of another’s personal space; we are considering starting an “anti inflight-bullying” campaign ourselves!

Overhead Gluttony

Overhead compartments are like candy to overly assertive, space-hungry flyers. Whether it is taking over an entire bin for their two carry-on items or relocating the luggage of other’s in order to clear space for themselves; these self-absorbed, “special-needs” individuals are completely oblivious to the shared-space concept.

Tip: Obtain their contact information from their bag tag while they sleep and email it to me for post flight follow-up. I may even call them during my live podcast!

Lavatory Littering

Paper towels strewn on the floor, suds splashed onto the counter and overshot-approaches puddled around the toilet are just some of what a littering lavatory occupant leaves behind. We’ve considered patenting a lavatory trash detector that would automatically lock the lavatory door, requiring the dirty inhabitant to return it to its most spotless state prior to be permitted to open the door and exit into the aisle.

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