Who’s ready for some flight crew dirt? Robin, our very own flight attendant, is retired from service.  Her husband, Berry, a retired pilot, also chimes in with anecdotes that will leave you laughing and give you a whole new respect for flight crews. What, exactly, do those uniformed folks do in the cockpit and galley? Remember, read this with a SENSE OF HUMOR. All flight attendants & pilots take their jobs very seriously. But, just like you & me, they do have personalities.

Tame Tricks of the Trade [ The not so tame are below video ]

~When an already intoxicated person wants another drink, don’t tell him no, as he’ll probably just get angry and confrontational.  I would go to the galley, pour the soda in the glass, wipe a little booze on the rim and PRESTO – a drink he likes! And tell him, “Since you’re such a nice guy…this one is on the house!”  Works every time! Beer and wine are easy.  Just say, “We are out; how ‘bout a mixed drink?” and there you are. You can just see the smiles on all the passengers sitting around the drunken passenger.

~Giving mothers a rest by holding their babies – I loved doing this. They really appreciated it. It was one small thing that was very easy to do.

~Give a free drink to someone just because….

~Sit with a ‘scared to fly’ passenger and explain how the airplane works and tell them that in 20 years nothing bad has ever happened on your flights even if you had been in a crash.  Give them a drink to relax if they wanted one.

~Put unaccompanied children in First Class if there is an empty seat.  We can keep an eye on them, plus when the parents find out, it makes them happy.

And now onto the Turbo Tricks from an anonymous flight attendant…

~When this passenger had been giving me and the other stews a bunch of BS about how much money he brings in for the whole flight and wanted my phone number; rather than hurt his ego right there on company property….I handed him a telephone number made up of the room numbers from my layovers.

~When a passenger asked what was inside of the little blue box that is under the last row of seats in first class (bandages, complaint forms etc.); we would sometimes tell them it is where the airline puts our birth control pills.

~Once when we were picked up at 4AM at our Boston layover hotel to be taken to the airport for an early flight, one of the other flight attendants was complaining that the people staying in the room next to her’s were up all night having what definitely sounded like an orgy. Well, I was outraged at their inconsiderate behavior and I thought they deserved a 4:15AM wake up call. So, I dialed up the hotel on the Captain’s brick-style cell phone and asked to be connected to their room number.

“May I have the guest’s last name please?” said the operator. Thinking fast on my feet, as only a stew can, I told her I was a doctor and this was an emergency! The phone began ringing immediately and we all prepared to deliver a wake up call from the whole crew that they’d never forget. The exhausted, oversexed person on the other end of the line could barely say “hello” before we belted out an overly cheerful “RISE AND SHINE…..ITS TIME TO GET YOUR ASS UP!”

We giggled all the way to the airport and across the country to LA.

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